It has been forever since I've written. I've missed coming on here and just blabbering on and on (mostly complaints) about my life. I was rereading my old posts and man do I bitch. But I guess that is what blogs are for...this is perfect for me, because nobody really has to read this or comment on it, and I can still vent and basically let it all out. Here is what has been going on in my life as of late....
1. BASEBALL: I have been a Yankee fan for 9 years and I have yet to see them win a World Series. I have seen it on Yankees classics, I have seen the tshirts: Got Rings? I have heard people talk, still I have not experienced the actual win. This is the first time, in a LONG time that we have made it to the playoffs and we are SO close. Last night I had high hopes for Burnett but he didn't have his stuff. It was 4-0 in favor of the Angels, until like the 6th inning. Suddenly Lackey (Angels pitcher) was taken out and we scored all over the place. Now it was 6-4 in favor of the Yankees and we were winning...we were almost there! But those damn Angels won 7-6. Tomorrow the best pitcher EVER, Andy Pettitte is going to pitch at the new Yankee Stadium. So if they don't win I'll probably move to LA and root for the damn Angels heheee
2. Career: I'm not subbing anymore! YES! Wow I couldn't stand that. I mean I'd talk to other teachers and they would say "ohhhh I just love the experience I'm getting" or "wow I've learned so much" and I was just like "omg please don't call me at 5 a.m." I mean I think it would've been more rewarding if they hadn't placed me in the Library or the lunchroom! I'm enjoying my work as a lead preschool teacher, but of course, as with any job, it's demanding. Wow those girls are such divas in my class. I have one who insists on wearing her princess sandals...rain or shine. I have another girl who HAS to have pigtails in or the world is pretty much over. Another girl headbutts the other girls in her class, even though she is perfectly capable of using her words. The boys are sweethearts. One little girl was crying because the head butting girl took her doll, so one of the boys comes over and says...you can have my doll. I won't cry if you take mine. On the side I sell Avon which is an amazing business. I absolutely love it and the extra money isn't bad too :)
3. La Familia: Oh maaan my niece is soooo cute! She is already going to be 2 in Feb and I haven't seen her too much. I wish my sister would move closer. My mother's parents (who cut ties with us when I was 5) is now trying to get back into our lives. More like using my mom and dad for help because they have both been sick. I know that sounds mean, but where were they when we were sick? Or when we had that terrible flood and had nowhere to go when they were perfectly fine in their house on the other side of town? I know we shouldn't hold grudges, but the more I let people in, the more I get hurt. It's so dangerous if you're not careful.
Well I suppose that's all for now, my eyes are getting so heavy. I can't believe Autumn is here already. My comfy bed is calling me while the wind is howling outside and the rain is hitting my window. What better sleeping weather could I ask for?
I know I haven't written in ages, but I just cannot get to sleep tonight! I've tried everything!
1. Listening to my IPod: Didn't work because I have all upbeat-I'm gonna lose weight-peppy songs on there, no slow songs for sleeping...duh Christina
2. Watching The Sex and the City marathon: Didn't work because I've had an overload of SATC, where all I been doin is watching it.
3. Opening my windows: Sounds kinda weird but it works for some reason, just not tonight.
Ugh I just have too much on my mind and I'm so mad because it all has to do with my boyfriend. I mean seriously, why can't I just grow some balls (not literally) and not get so upset by it? See he's been working more hours lately, which I completely understand, but things have just gotten so strained with us, it's really been bothering me. I've been trying to put up with it for about a month now, and I've just about had it. All I hear is, "I'm tired" "Can we go to bed early tonight?" "I'm not in the mood for this conversation tonight" and he's been snapping at me! I just feel like he just doesn't wanna deal with our relationship anymore. I tried talking to him about it tonight and he replied with the usual "I don't wanna leave you, I love you, everything is fine, I'm just tired and have been working hard" lines. I believe him, and maybe I'm overreacting, but I mean, I'm tired too damnit. I don't snap at him. I just don't get what's going on anymore. Everything is just in like a gray area and it's just driving me nuts. I mean he's sooo busy with work and being tired that I feel like I've been squeezed right out of his life almost!
I'm not good with relationships, I mean this is only my first really serious one, so I'm trying to figure out if there is really something wrong with us, or if we're in that comfortable place, where nothing is new anymore in our relationship. I don't wanna make excuses. I mean if there IS something I wanna know! And if there isn't, which I'm hoping, then I can just attribute it to the fact that we're comfortable with eachother enough that it's okay how things are going. Stupid guys! They're so complicated and it drives me nuts.
I need some sleep.
Alright so I stole my heading from something I heard on the radio this morning, but it completely made my day! It was down pouring this morning and the last thing I wanted to do was go out in it. Anyways, I was listening to the morning show and this radio announcer guy from my programmed country music station (yes that's right, I said country music... my boyfriend has totally and completely converted me to a country girl. Although I still have quite a bit of road rage, so I'm attributing that to the city girl in me) This radio announcer man usually irritates me, but I tolerate him because of the music. Apparently this woman from Va was in the news because she got pulled over early one morning and the police found a 6 pack of Busch light beer strapped in to her front seat with a seat belt, while her 1 or 2 year old was not strapped in whatsoever, in the back. This brings questions to my mind, folks...many questions. First of all, what in hell is she doing drinking beer in the first place? Mixed drinks are soooo much better. I'm kidding of course. But seriously, what was going through her mind? Maybe she forgot to have a V8.
My boyfriend and I had an enormous fight yesterday that began a few days ago and has steadily continued throughout the week. Man. Guys can be so frigging stubborn sometimes. Seriously, just admit that you were wrong so we can move on. Maybe it's just my boyfriend, but the man thinks he's always right. Anyway yesterday sucked from the time I woke up until I was through with work. I was at the daycare and the girls that work there are so mean! I didn't realize it until I removed myself from there and began working there again. Anyway, my boyfriend had a bad day too and we just completely let each other have it. I hate those fights, but I'm hoping that's what we needed to do to resolve what's been brewing this whole week. I do have to give him some brownie points though. I don't remember what I said, but he suddenly realized what a jerk he was being and he sang our song to me while holding my hand. Some may say that's lame, but man I eat that right up. He's such a sweetheart.
I'm really not that into politics, but I cannot wait until our new president (Obama) is elected. I realize that this is a very touchy subject and we should keep our opinions to ourselves and not mention any names (Obama), but I am so anxious to see a new president (Obama) in office. The way I see it is I may not agree with everything the candidates have to say (Clinton) but what is most important is that our country is protected (Obama) and restored (Obama) and our troops are sent home to their families. :o)
I could not believe what went down this morning. Woke up eventually and literally dragged myself outta bed. It's just been one thing after another lately! My boyfriend had to put his dog down last Friday, he's been on edge (that's an understatement) for the past 2 weeks because his dog was dying, I've been up late on the phone with him trying to convince him that it wasn't his fault, that she was too sick and wouldn't have made it. Getting nowhere fast with Certification and new jobs, and still subbing. This morning I was assigned to do Elementary School Library. Hmmmm I am a librarian? NOPE. I had done it once before and felt partially confident that I might be able to pull it off. It was an all day assignment and the only thing that got me outta bed was the fact that the school is right across from Dunkin Donuts. The first thing I did was check to see if we had any much-needed school delays. Nope. Everyone in Pa did, but nothing for upstate New York. I got up and got dressed and was doing really well until the moment I stepped outside. My driveway was an ice rink and I had decided to wear high heels that I can barely walk on when the weather is good. So I get in my car muttering "great" everytime I slipped. I was determined not to fall and I didn't, I made it to my car and blasted defrost. Well turns out the defrost was not strong enough for the 2 inches of ice that had landed on my windshield, so I had to get out and scrape. I couldn't find my gloves and now it's pouring rain and I'm trying not to die while scraping my car. I was doing great and making good time, I might add, until I walked around to the other side of the car, where an extremely low tire was sitting there laughing at me. Accidents everywhere as I'm trying to make it to the free air at the gas station. The SAME air pump I used once before that actually took the air out of my tire, but I went there because it was the closest place I could go. Meanwhile I'm silently cursing my boyfriend who "forgot" to put that little black cap back on my tire after giving it more air that night he was yelling at me. But I don't even think I could lose that much air just by not having that little black screwy thing on there, so I'm slowly accepting the fact that I have YET ANOTHER slow leak in my tire. This would make it 4, yes 4 slow leaks.
I'm tired. I haven't had a good night's sleep in 5 days because I'm up late worrying about what's happening to my relationship with my boyfriend.
I wake up mad because I cried/lost sleep/cleaned too much/organized/managed to accomplish nothing.... over a guy.
I'm sick and tired of substitute teaching. The calling at 5:30 a.m. Not knowing where I'm going. While I'm ever so grateful for having a job, I hate how the "real" teachers treat you like you're nothing. "Uh could you pick up my mail while you're down there?" NO I CAN'T!!
I hate when you email or call someone and they take their sweet time emailing/calling you back. "Hahahahahahhaaha Ohh sorry I'm JUST getting back to you, see I'm addicted to American Idol....." Meanwhile, you're deciding what your next step is to take, and it all depends on their answer.
What's with the NYS Education Department? Do they think semi-recent graduates automatically know what they are supposed to do once they graduate? Geez! I was just happy to graduate with a 4.0.
If one more guy in the mall makes a comment about my "booty," outloud and in front of my boyfriend...I'm gonna scream! I mean geez...girls (well most) don't go around yellin "Hey! Nice package!" No! We don't! And we certainly wouldn't, in front of our significant others.
Enough with the gas prices alright? WE GET IT, OKAY? Geez it's almost $4.00! All I wanna do is drive to work and my boyfriend's house without having to take out a friggin loan.
This is just a curious thought....do credit card companies REALLY think we won't mind if you call us at 8:00 p.m. and talk really fast, trying to slap on some credit protection fee for $29.95 a month, when our bills are already sky high and think we won't notice?
OH! And I've had it with the smoking. No more Mrs. Nice Woman. It's either the smokes or me damnit. I have to be strong. My hair smells like it, my clothes....EVEN if he gives me that cute smile and makes those eyes at me, I can't let him do it!
When someone says they will meet you for lunch and you are 10 minutes late, do you or do you not leave your name with the host, so she can direct you to the table where you will be waiting for your party? YOU DO!! DING DING DING!!! YOU DO NOT, HOWEVER, NOT LEAVE YOUR NAME, SO THAT THE PERSON WHO IS LATE IS LEFT WANDERING AROUND THE BAR, WHILE ALL THE DRUNK LOCALS YELL "HEY BEAUTIFUL. I HOPE IT'S ME YOU'RE LOOKIN' FUUUR!!"
Yikes people. What a frigging scary week this is shapin up to be. I'm goin to bed early.
I need to vent, although strangely enough I feel that's all I've been doing lately. My poor family and my poor boyfriend! No matter how many times I think I've gotten it all out, something immediately follows. Everyone goes through hard times and I can safely say this is a hard one for me. I'm pretty certain it all started in August when I quit my job at the daycare. I couldn't take it anymore! It was just a combination of the catty girls I worked with, no respect from the parents, the long hours, fighting to get a day off, children who know no limits, and a director who thinks she owns the place. The money was alright, but I needed more. I needed a challenge. To be respected. To use my Master's Degree. Uncertain, I made the job change to substituting in 2 different school districts. I figured, okay the first month or so is going to be rough on my bank account, but the calls will soon be pouring in. Didn't happen that way. The first 5 months have left a lot to be desired. I struggled and took every job they offered me. "We have a job for you for gym." "Could you be a lunch monitor this afternoon?" "Can you sub for playground aide?" I mean I'm surprised they haven't called me for janitorial jobs. Don't get me wrong, I'm not above handing out napkins and sporks in a loud cafeteria, but I did go to school for 5 and a half years to teach in a classroom.
Meanwhile, my boyfriend is helping me look for jobs elsewhere, anywhere! We searched through newspapers, internet, unemployment agencies (yikes). There was nothing. Finally some openings in the school district I was substituting for opened up. I got all my paperwork together, applied and shortly afterward, landed an interview. I hadn't been on one in over 5 years. The interview went well and all I had to do now was wait. So I waited. I waited, only to get a letter stating that they couldn't hire me because, and only because they did not have hard evidence that my NYS Certification had been cleared. I thought to myself, this is ridiculous. I don't have time to mess around. The calls to substitute were becoming less and less because of Superintendent meetings, holidays, snowdays. Normally I would be overjoyed, but I couldn't be because that meant no money coming in. One night my boyfriend and I were going through the newspaper and I found a data entry job that a local temp agency was offering. I've always been a good typist. I'm a dork and I came in second place at this stupid typing contest my high school had offered one year. I decided to go to this job fair at the temp agency. My boyfriend said, "Well? What do you have to lose? Try it. There's no harm in that." They offered benefits, it was around $10 an hour, with holidays off and weekends. What could be better? I took the data entry test and was told that my keystrokes per minute was 1000 points less than what the job required. So Heather calls me up to her desk so we can "discuss my options." She tells me, "Well this isn't like the end of the world. You are highly qualified for doc prep." I'm thinking to myself what the hell is doc prep? So I ask her and she says, "Well what you have to do is you will be in a room, okay? And you will like get mail right? You have to like take the mail and put it in like different piles as they come in."
That's it! I've had it.
Last night I drove to my boyfriend's house and he greeted me with this huge hug. It was so sweet, but he was acting so strange. I said, "Alright what happened? You have to work this weekend?" He said he didn't, but he kept smiling. He's not a huge smiler, so I was a little suspicious. He says, "I'm just happy to see you." Hmmmm...he was up to something, I knew it. I go in his house and he had made dinner for us. He was babysitting his niece so he was trying to get the food on the table and play with her Barbie microphone. It was so funny. He would tell her to sing him a song and pretend they were at a concert, but she kept saying "Clean up on aisle 16!" His mom came over and began playing with her so we could eat together. Usually we eat in front of the T.V and our conversations usually consist of "mmm this is good or do you want more water?" but last night there were candles and music. We talked face to face. It was pretty much like how things were when we first started going out. I hadn't realized how much I missed all that mushy stuff. It's not like we never talk, but we've just become so comfortable with eachother that we can just sit there in silence and be okay. It was really nice. When I had to leave he said, "Call me on your way home." So I did and he says, "Oh did I leave my cds in your visor?" I felt around up there and felt this paper. I was like what the hell? When I took it out I realized it was $20. I was like, "There's no cds, but your $20 is here! Are you crazy? I can't take this!" He said, "You've been going through such a hard time, I thought it might help you realize that whenever you're in trouble, I'll always be there to fix it and make everything okay." Of course I'm not going to use the money, but just the thought of it meant so much to me.
If anyone has any job ideas that I haven't thought of, please let me know lol I'm pretty close to selling fruit at intersections.
I mean seriously, how amazing are these purses?
I have been trying to get my boyfriend to quit smoking and I am fresh out of ideas. I have tried the following:
Solution #1: Hiding his lighters.
Why this hasn't worked: He has like 40 lighters! I'll take the one he's using and he'll go: Geez where'd I put that one I had in my pocket? Then 2 seconds later I see him lighting up.
Solution #2: Making excessive coughing and choking sounds.
Why this hasn't worked: He claims: Babe. If you spent all of your undergraduate college years in a bar, I hardly think a few drags off my ciggarette is gonna make you choke. (Damn!)
Solution #3: Threatening not to come see him until he quits forever.
Why this hasn't worked: He says: Well fine...no hugs. (This seriously hurts because he gives the best hugs ever lol)
Solution #4: Turning up the volume when the commercial comes on involving the guy who smokes and has to have his foot cut off.
Why this hasn't worked: Pure denial. "Oh babe. That won't happen to me." (he really thinks that!)
Solution #5: Guilt. "Well I guess you'll never get to see our kids graduate...sniff, sniff
Why this hasn't worked: He simply changes the subject, carefully choosing a topic which will clearly make me forget the topic. (crafty, isn't he?) "Oh Christina, you know you have to go get your oil changed and I won't be able to come with you right?"
Solution #6: Let's make a deal. "Okay, if you quit smoking I'll clean your room! I'll do your laundry! Yes even your underwear! I'll take your dog for walks! Give her a bath!
Why this hasn't worked: "Babe, you do all that stuff for me now." (Grrrrrr...)
Lucky Solution #7: Reverse psychology. *Exaggerated sigh* Well I guess you'll never quit smoking.
Why this hasn't worked: "I can quit anytime, I just have to be ready."
All kidding aside, I'm really worried about him. I'm serious about getting him to quit, but he doesn't seem to think his teeth will fall out, he'll lose his limbs, he'll have consistant bad breath, yellow nails and teeth and he could very well get cancer. He's already tried the gum and all the other stuff like Commit is too expensive. Anyone have any ideas? I would really appreciate anything. :o)
Remember when I said to try the Self challenge on Self.com? Well I think I may have found a better program on Discoveryhealth.com. I saw it on t.v. last night and from what I heard it's free. They also give you tons of recipes, exercise tips and a free 8 week membership to Bally's. I think. I have to research it more, but I'm almost positive that everything is included.
If anyone tries it before I do, let me know how it is lol. I just hope there isn't some catch. I really hate that. If you all are like me, I need motivation. I'm really good about not eating junk but to get out there and exercise... that's another story. I don't mind it once I'm working out, in fact I love it. It's just the initial getting out there that deters me from actually doing it. I'm hoping something like this will provide the motivation I need to get ripped. :o)
First thing I learned in 2008 is to be real. Staying true to yourself and who you are. I'm almost (gasp) 30 and I am just now realizing this. Is there something wrong with me? That I am just now learning this? Or has society, with all its pressures, made it more difficult? If you think about it, most of the time when you turn on the T.V there is some fat girl. Feeling sorry for herself probably because she's heavy in the first place, she has no boyfriend, maybe a handful of friends and really bad fashion sense. Then there are all the thin girls who seem to have it all. I realize I sound cynical, but in most cases it's true. Why can't they show "thick" girls with really great hair, cute shoes and boyfriends? Why is it that just because Beyonce' is "curvy," we fall into the mindset: "well if my body doesn't look exactly like hers, I must not be good enough?". I should mention that not ALL people fall into this. Not at all. All I'm saying is that is mostly what we are surrounded with. Magazines, movies, T.V shows, radio. It's up to us to be strong minded, know who we are and stay true to ourselves.
Maybe sometimes it takes another person to point this out to us. A family member, best friend, neighbor, boyfriend. Someone who sees the real you. Opens your eyes to make you realize, geez...I'm not so bad. I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Someone who accepts you and loves you unconditionally.
When I first started dating Chuck, I used to get embarrassed if I fell, or spilled something on my shirt while we were out eating. I wouldn't cry because I wanted him to think I was strong. I wouldn't eat a whole lot because I didn't want him thinking I was a pig. He started making comments; like "I wish one day I could see you eat all these wings." And, "It's ok to cry ya know." I'm so glad I decided to just let go. Better late than never, right?
